Affirmation

Pleasure Producing Relationships

Terry Cole Whittaker

All relationships can be pleasurable when we know how to generate happiness regardless of what others say and do. Love and prosperity are self-generated because we are love and prosperity. Because we are love, we do not and cannot get love from anyone, but when we are around people who like us, it is easier to be ourselves (which is love). Once we are Self-realized, we are in a constant state of love. We are being ourselves under any and all circumstances even when others dislike or disapprove of us. The main problem in relationships is the belief that we must have the approval of others and their undying devotion and commitment before we can be happy and secure enough to be ourselves without the fear of rejection, loss, or abandonment. Love is not a thing or a commodity that we must pay for or be afraid of losing. It may appear that other people are the cause of our happiness or distress, but this is not true. We are the cause of our happiness or distress.

What we want are mutually supportive relationships where each person is a winner and can bring forth the greatness that is within her or him and not feel suppressed, coerced, bad, or guilty for mistakes or successes. Souls want to have loving relationships with other souls. Most of what people experience in relationships has been based on concepts passed down from generation to generation from religion and cultural conditioning and has nothing to do with the real purpose of relationships, which is bliss. Soul-to-soul relationships are real and deeply satisfying because we can be ourselves without fear. Offering another the gift of unconditional love is the greatest gift we can give another. There are seven actions that lead to our becoming a master in the art of rewarding relationships even if, in the past, some of our relationships have been troublesome.

They are:

1. Accept that every soul, including our own, is pure goodness and perfect without flaws of any kind.

2. Assume responsibility for our own feelings and actions as well as for the results we are getting.

3. Understand that others are the cause of their own emotions and actions as well as the cause of the results they are getting.

4. Be willing for others to be happy, prosperous, and successful in their endeavors and for us to be happy, prosperous, and successful in our endeavors.

5. Treat all others with respect and honor their freedom to be, do, and have what they choose as we also honor ourselves and our freedom to be, do, and have what we choose.

6. Be kind to all living entities, speak sweet words, and seek to be a beacon of inspiration, enthusiasm, and encouragement to all.

7. Recognize that the way we are treating others is the way we are treating ourselves because what we give out is what we will get back.

The heart of the matter when it comes to successful relationships is accepting that every soul including us is pure goodness and perfect without flaws of any kind. The common approach has been to find fault in others because we believe that we ourselves are flawed and thus bad and wrong. No one likes to feel bad or not good enough to be loved and accepted so the habit of finding fault in others has made us feel at least better than others. How can we be happy in our relationships when we harbor the thought that there is something wrong with us? We often judge a person’s action toward us based on our expectations. An insecure person is in constant need of reassurance as to her worth to another and in constant anxiety over the possible loss of the relationship. Our minds will calculate the words and actions of others to mean that there is something wrong with us, and that they do not love us or else they would behave as we expect. When our self-worth is based on the opinion of another person, we set ourselves up for pain.

Even in relationships that start out well, familiarity can breed contempt when one or both of the people are not happy and then blame the other and find fault in the other person. What happened? Not even God can make us feel good all the time unless we seek out the cause of our distress, which is self-alienation. No one will ever be good enough in our minds until we know that we are good enough, that we are perfect just as we are. Once we really know this, then our actions are motivated by love and kindness. The medicine that heals the disease of “not good enough” is to bypass everything that we have heard or been taught that gave us the idea that something is wrong with us and therefore we are not good enough to be loved by God, our parents, relatives, mates, and others. This is all fear and lack-based conditioning and not true about anyone.

Once we stop judging others as not good enough and stop criticizing others in order to feel better about ourselves, the “not good enough” program running in our subconscious will fade and disappear for lack of faith. You do not need to prove anything to anyone in order for you to feel good; feel good because you are pure goodness. We are not here on earth to seek the approval of others, and we already have God’s love and approval. Accept it and forget all the soap opera stories of who did what to you and when.

About the Author
Terry Cole-Whittaker travels the world speaking to both spiritual and entrepreneurial groups. Her five bestsellers have earned her coverage in all major print, radio, and television media. She lives in Los Angeles, CA. Visit her online at http://www.terrycolewhittaker.com. Excerpted from the book Live Your Bliss ©2009 by Terry Cole-Whittaker.

Journal

Joy in Change & Transformation

The following is a response I sent to my best friend. Basically, she’s in the midst of various challenges which has made her retreat and detach. She hasn’t necessarily detached nor retreated from our friendship. She’s faced with one of life’s transitions where she’s challenged to show up fully- or she can protect herself, her inner child. And defend against vulnerability. Anyways, as I’ve stated to her, I miss my open and defenseless friend. Anyways, our communications lead to the following email. I’m putting on my blog because as I’ve stated before, this blog is a year long document of my growth and transformation. My situation with my best friend obviously brings up issues of codependency which I try to keep in check! The response is in its’ entirety, unedited. Another reason I’m placing this on the blog is that within it, I articulate quite well, where I am and where I want to be.

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1. I have an agenda/investment.
2. We are in totally different, if not opposite, places.

First, I have an investment in the outcome of where you are, in the sense that I feel the end of/result of your current situation will take you/us back to where we once were. Not friendship wise, but in the sense of us returning to a period where we shared/discovered/uncovered spiritual stuff with the same level of enthusiasm and wonder. Where we actually sought and absorbed- devoured the stuff with the same passion. Basically, based upon the past I (believe) I already know the end. The end in the sense that we will go back to where we were 5, 10, 15. So I that sense, I have an investment in how you approach your current situation, the length of time, the work you put in it and so forth. LMAO, I thought this was funny because usually, my attitude is (sincerely) I have no investment in your outcome, I just want you to be happy. Lol. I guess this is one time when I do actually have an investment.

That revelation lead to the second. And this is not about you. In other words, I was not judging you or in anyway frustrated trying to analyze your stuff and as a result I got insight into mine. It’s more like being where I was at the moment in relationship to us, I realized something about me. Kinda like going to the mall with you to pick up make-up, I realized I really need to get a new wardrobe! In other words, you and your need for make-up has nothing to do with my revelation. And my revelation has nothing to do with you and your need for make up. I only say this, so that as you read, you won’t be trying to figure out how our stuff relates. There is not a hidden message in this for you.

Anyways, I realized I’m at a totally opposite place of where you are in the sense that I want nothing but challenges. I am relishing that my comfort zones are being busted. That I am hyper sensitive to negativity. That I want more, more, even more Louise, Marianne, Dyer, and Srole! I want nothing more than to let both Sami Jo and scholarly/academic/in school forever Dennis shine and soar! It’s interesting, I’ve found that I have nothing really to say to my life as is. Meaning the people I’ve cultivated and nourished for the past year or more, I don’t have any real desire to engage in the same dialogues and listen and co-sign the same realities. At one point, I’m like, “ok, what’s going on?!” is this the beginning stages of burn out? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you insulating/isolating/retreating?! What’s going on?”

What I realize is, I have a lot to say and share. I simply am not in the arena to share it. Last night, and just lately really, I’ve been realizing this. It’s like I’m on this super major spiritual seeking, exploration, devouring mission explosion thing! ROTFLMAO! And it’s like ARIEL!!!!!!!!????? Kinda like you was when you were attending school and every weekend you couldn’t wait to share with me and you’d blow up my voicemails and so forth. That’s basically where I’m at- and again, this isn’t about you. So message isn’t, you should be where I’m at or that I’m angry/resentful of us not being at the same place, or me feeling alone- because I don’t feel alone at all. Actually, I feel like Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Like I’ve given myself permission to soar.

I realize I want to be joined at the hip with Srole and learn everything I need to learn about graduating and being/becoming a historian. LOL! I want to share every minuscule detail of my growth/spiritual process/journey with someone who is in the same place, I want to challenge to the 10th power my food intake/exercise, I want to (like steve Harvey at 50) push myself to my peak position and do a professional photo shoot to commemorate it. I want to embrace my 44 magnum year and do the hell out of it! I want to put away ALL the bullshit of the previous 44 years- from sleep aids to ugly complexes and inferiorities. I realize “detox” for me is really a literal/symbolic/spiritual releasing of old food patterns and an embracing of new. I realize a “40 day fast” for me is establishing new food intake patterns and behaviors and spending 40 days to incorporate and maintain them in the hopes of continuing them. I realize what we intake physically, mentally, emotionally, and who/what we allow to surround us effects us. I realize I want to be a part of the solution. I realize, despite temptation- I like being celibate and despite all of the issues, I like being married and I love my husband. I realize, I love Annie Mae. I realize, I am not conventional. I realize, I don’t know. I realize, I like being longwinded and typing out complete sentences vs. using internet slang. I realize I love knowledge, learning, studying, reading, and education. I realize, if I could make a living doing this- it would be heaven. I realize, I can make a living doing what I love- I just need to show up, trust the universe who and what the universe sends to me and allow the universe to transform me. I realize I have a lot to say, give, offer, and share. And perhaps the “new arena” hasn’t shown up- yet. I realize, regardless, I must show up and that the new “arena” (support group/system, career, friendship, mentors, STUDENTS!LOL!) are on there way- but most importantly I have to show up and stay showed-ed up! lol!

Fasting Devotional

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

Romans 8:1

Perhaps the worst part of dieting is the guilt that accompanies the desire to break from the diet at any possible moment. For some, dieting becomes a challenge to see how sneaky a person can become, but inevitably guilt creeps in and spoils everything. Dieting requires a good spirit and a hopeful outlook. We cannot expect to maintain a good state of mind when we continually condemn ourselves for our failures. We need to resolve to try harder and then forget our failings. When we can forgive and forget, we stand a much better chance of a successful diet.

Today's thought:

"Valentine's candy adds to the flesh; the Word of God is less fattening!"

Fasting Devotional

February 11

"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

Romans 12:21

Fat is the enemy. We have declared war, and it takes every ounce of strength we have to wage the battle. Yet, it is a battle well worth fighting. We sometimes need to look at fat as an enemy. We need to think of it as evil, in order to stay serious about battling it. If we allow ourselves to believe that it is anything less than evil, we stand in danger of learning to live with it. That can never be. It is an effrontery to the Christian life to allow evil to overcome that which is good. Rather, let us always strive to overcome what is evil with what is good.

Today's thought:

"I will not rest until the enemy has been eradicated"

February 12

"The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished."

2 Peter 2:9

I remember when I proposed to my wife, I wanted to call home and let everyone know. I called, but the line was busy. I was so excited that I just sat and kept dialing until I broke through. I must have called a hundred times before my efforts paid off. I finally got through because of persistence. Persistence is one of the most important ingredients of a successful diet. The Bible tells us often that God is pleased by our persistence, and He will reward us for it. God will deliver us, if we will keep trying no matter what happens. Just don't give up!

Today's thought:

"No matter what happens, I will keep trying to lose weight!"

February 13

"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him."

James 1:12

What a great feeling! Kim had gone to the party dreading all the comments of her friends. When they found out she was on a diet, she knew her friends would try everything they could to get her to eat the scrumptious food that would be available. It hadn't been as bad as she thought it would be, though. Her friends had tried to tempt her, but she had resisted. It had been difficult, but now it felt great to know that she could be strong when she really needed to be. If she could resist the temptations of her friends, she could resist anything. For the first time since she started dieting, Kim began to really believe she could do it.

Today's thought:

"The Lord provides special strength for each new temptation!"

Fasting Devotional

February 10

"He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son."

Revelation 21:7

Being thin is a wonderful goal. Regaining health and vigor is also great. Looking and feeling good are important, but both pale in comparison with how good it is to please the Lord by being the best people we can be. When we diet, we not only gain physically, but also spiritually. Resisting temptation tones our spiritual being as well as dieting tones our physical being. When we reach our goal in our diet, we reach a second goal, as well: We do what is pleasing to God. When we are faithful to do the will of the Lord, we can rest assured that we have an eternal home with Him.

Today's thought:

Dieting makes me a spiritual overcomer as well as a physical overcomer

Solitude or Loneliness

“Solitude becomes a descent into the labyrinths of self, where we set up a dialogue with our own depths.”

Sue Monk Kidd, Firstlight

How do we feel when we are alone? Is the experience of solitude a precious gift where we can commune with our innermost treasures? Or do we feel lonely? Both solitude and loneliness are experiences of being along. What then accounts for the difference?

Socrates spoke of the two-in-one thinking. When we are engaged in an interior dialogue we are in the good company of ourselves. On the other hand, when we feel lonely we feel deprived of our own company and forget our connection with God. Feeling lonely can often be traced to thoughts that accentuate not having enough love, attention, or blessings.

There is a way out of loneliness. Our first inclination is to perhaps call other and fill up our time with people outside of ourselves, and there is nothing wrong with this solution. However we can still be lonely even in a crowd if we don’t go deeper to the source of the loneliness, which is our relationship with ourselves.

To heal our loneliness we must first establish a friendly relationship with ourselves, one that is supportive rather than critical. To be a friend to oneself is to listen compassionately to our feelings, offer supportive comments and be a fun companion.

Affirmation

Today I cherish the richness of my solitude. I enjoy my time alone as I realize I am in the good company of myself and God.

Rev. Sage Bennet, Ph.D.

Author of Wisdom Walk: Nine Practices for Creating Peace and Balance from the World’s Spiritual Traditions.

Fasting Devotional

"For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted."

Hebrews 2:18

When we get particularly low during our dieting times, we feel so alone and alienated. People pat us on the back and tell us they know how we feel, but we know they really don't. There are times we feel certain that no one knows how we feel. Rest assured, though, that Jesus knows how hard it is, and He wants to comfort us, especially when the going gets the toughest. If we turn to Him He will give us comfort and strength in the darkest times. He's been there before us, and He is willing to walk our path with us. When we welcome Him in, He will grant us comfort.

Today's thought:

No matter how lonely I might feel, Jesus is right beside me!

Devotions for Dieters: A 365-Day Guide to a Lighter You

Dan R. Dick

Ye Ol’ Gunslinger

As a long time NFL fan, I’ve had the privilege of watching first hand the career of Bret Farve. I’m proud to say that for most of Farve’s career I’ve hated him! I must admit, this is because I’ve been a 20+ year fan of the both the San Francisco 49ers and the Dallas Cowboys. I know, I know, how can one be both a 9ers and a Cowboys fan? Honestly whenever the team faced each other and especially in the NFC championships, it was more a dream come true than a rivalry. I’m sure you’re asking, when the 9ers and the cowboys played one another, who would I go for? Ok, ok, the 9ers. In the hey day of the 9ers and cowboys super bowls, playoffs and championships, if they weren’t facing each other- they would come face to face with Farve, Reggie White, and the Green Bay Packers and this is why I’ve hated Brett Farve for most of his NFL career. It seemed Brett and his Packers were always handing losses to my beloved 9ers and Cowboys!

During the 2009-2010 NFL season Farve transcended any team, and the game itself. Farve become a man, who proved himself a team player, leader, and role model. Entering the 2009 NFL season Farve was at worst vilified as a pariah and at best seen as a joke. He was either going to go out as a Prima Donna (not showing up for the Vikings training camp didn’t help matters) whose ego and vanity would bring down his new team. Or, he was viewed as a delusional ego maniacal old timer, seeking another chance at another super bowl ring. Worst of all, particularly for any team sport, Farve was categorized as selfish and self-centered. The bottom line, any scenario offered would ultimately lead to the Vikings’ failure, and Vikings Coach Brad Childress’ unemployment.

However, Farve brought passion to his work, his team, the Vikings organization, and indeed the game of football in 2009. He brought authority and determination. He brought a playfulness and fierce competitiveness to the sidelines and self-mocking and a mischievous wink to his television endorsements. His eyes twinkled and he leaped upon the shoulder of his team mates like a man half his age. Every Sunday with a spark in his eye and unprecedented spring and agility in his step- he brought the heat leading his young team to 13 wins (including a handing heartbreaking loss to my 9ers, some things never change!), the playoffs, and the NFC Championships. All season, Farve would repeat verbatim, “I have nothing to prove,” that statement may or may not be true, however what is true is that the old gunslinger gave us a hell of a season, a lump in my throat, and a reason to believe that one can pave one’s way, not for accolades and personal glory but for the passion of their work. As Farve often explains, his position in NFL history and it’s hall of fame is set. No, Farve gave us, what is perhaps the final ride of his brilliant career, not for personal gain, but more accurately for his love and passion for the game- his job.

A man who can bring that much passion to work? That is the mark of not only, a great football player, but a great man. Hail, hail, ye ol’ Gunslinger, all is forgiven. PS, give hell, Brett. Do not go gentle into that good night.

Practice

It’s one thing to study spirituality out of a book, or to be in a learning environment where you are being supported, where the teacher is there telling you what to do and how to do it. In a learning environment everybody in the room has the same goal, the same mindset. This is the beauty of being in a learning environment. But why do we gather information? Why do we want to learn? We learn so that we can go out and put what we know into practice.

We’re not going to practice in the classroom-that is a false environment. In the classroom you develop the skill. In the world you hone the skill. In the outside world where people can’t even spell the thing you just studied, you are going to deal with people who have no idea what you are talking about.

Does this mean that your information is faulty? Is it an accurate indication that the theories don’t work? Absolutely not! It mean that you must continue on the journey, put into practice all that you have learned. Eventually you will find yourself in a community or an experience where everybody wants to know what you know. Or where everybody knows what you know and is willing to help you facilitate further growth in it.

Do not try and convert others to your way of thinking. When you find that you are the only person in a room who thinks the way you think, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with what you do and how you do it. It means every time you meet resistance, you have another opportunity to strengthen another love muscle.

Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t question yourself. Know that the resistance is going to come up on different levels with different characters. Each time you face resistance it will evoke different feelings. Those feelings are the development of your stamina. One day very soon, the only feeling any experience will evoke is the opportunity to share, spread, give or receive love.

Iyanla Vanzant

This essay was adapted from In the Meantime published by Fireside Books.

Science of Mind: a guide for spiritual living. December 2007. Vol.80 No.12

Fasting Devotional

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

James 4:7

The earliest days of a diet are the hardest. There are times when it just seems impossible to resist the wonderful treats that appear everywhere. But resist we must. The reward comes to us when we realize that with each victory over an individual temptation, it be-comes all the easier to resist in the future. The largest part of the battle is to realize that we really can do it. The Scriptures promise us that when we resist temptation (the devil), it will flee from us, and it will trouble us no more. God never makes a promise that He won't keep. The battle's been won.

Today's thought:

There is no temptation I cannot resist!

Devotions for Dieters: A 365-Day Guide to a Lighter You

Dan R. Dick

Fasting Devotional

'But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.'

Luke 22:32

Everyone always wanted Brad on their team. He was tall and very athletic, and every team he ever played for seemed to win. There was also something about Brad that brought out the best in everyone else. It's good to have someone on our side who can swing the odds in our favor. Jesus Christ is just that Someone. He promised His disciples that He would pray for them and they could not fail in their endeavors. He prays for us, too. Jesus is always on our side, and that makes us unbeatable. As we attempt to lose weight, it is vital that we include Jesus in our plans.

Today's thought:

With Jesus on my side, temptation doesn't stand a chance!

Reminder

It is just as self-deceptive to discount what is good in us as to justify what is not. This is false humility, which is as hampering as arrogance! The purpose of examining our characters-with as much honesty and detachment as possible-is not to exaggerate guilt for what we lack, but to use the good to overcome the faults.

“Let me learn to understand myself first; that will occupy me so fully that I will have no time nor thought to analyze and criticize [others.]”

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

Fasting Devotional

I was attracted to this daily devotional because it’s short and sweet. I am further drawn to it, as I prepare for my 40 day fast. While my fast isn’t about dieting, per se, in the sense of losing weight. My fast is about giving up and reducing negativity in my life during the 40 days of the fast. Avoiding and risking certain temptations, be it, food, gossip, television, music, people, and so forth. So while these daily devotionals are food specific, I believe they can apply to anything one wants to give up, that which one is tempted by, or simply an issue one wants to take control over.

1 Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

There are going to be times when we feel like throwing up our hands and saying, 'I just can't do it!' Dieting is not easy. Don't let anyone tell you that it is. We wouldn't need to diet if we could eat what we wanted when we wanted it. But know this: God will make sure we can hang on, if we include Him in our diet attempts. He knows how hard it is and how much we struggle. No matter how tempted we might be, He will help us escape it.

Today's thought:

There is a way to beat every temptation!

Devotions for Dieters: A 365-Day Guide to a Lighter You
Dan R. Dick