The Importance of Being Out

A Coming Out Story

The room had a capacity of 250 and before long there was hardly room to stand. Many people, including faculty members, literally sat on the floors of the aisles. Two entire classes were in attendance and many students were given extra credit points for attending. Security guars were situated at both entrances. The event was filmed by the campus television station and covered by the local and campus newspapers.

Students were coming together to address issues that were considered taboo to address amongst a young an racially diverse crowd. With a crowd whose attitude range from the militant, “shut em down!” and la raza to the feel good, “can’t we all just get along?” anticipated a Jerry Springer type showdown.

My general impression of Chaffey College’s campus in 1994 was that the student body appeared to be self-segregated. I ha to plan something that would bring our segregated student body together. This ha to be an event that would show all skeptics that we could come together under a common cause. I planned an open forum. Utilizing the inner-club counsel, I arranged for two representatives, one male and one female, from each racial, ethnic, or otherwise historically marginal group to appear on a panel of no more then twelve participants total. The panel would address issues of race, stereotypes, and discrimination.

As I grew excited over the idea and discussed it with my academic advisor and the director of student activities there were no doubts in my mind that Lambda, the gay and lesbian student union, would also participate in the forum. It was one thing to discuss issues of racism in a group setting, discrimination and stereotyping based upon race could be an agreed upon discussion. Sexual orientation was a different matter. Many people were offended by the participation of gays within this forum, their reflected in various statements heard and over heard, “how dare they compare their lives or struggles with ours.” many felt that Lambda’s involvement would somehow (unfairly) strengthen Lambda’s “agenda” and in the process devalue other panel members valid “concerns” by association. Members of Mecha, the Black Student Union, Campus Crusade for Christ, and the Muslim Association were protesting Lambda’s participation on the panel. My biggest concern was to appear unbiased. As moderator and advocate for this “open” forum I had to keep it as inclusive as possible.

As the clock dragged towards the noon hour and the panel and audience situated themselves. Questions remained, would there be rioting or fighting, could I handle it? The energy within the room rose from simmer to boil as I addressed the panel. I encouraged the sharing of all points of view. I adamantly demanded respect and courtesy from all and towards all. “We are here to share,” I would remind all participants when hostility appeared to erupt, “we are coming from the perspective of I’m ok/you’re okay.”

The audience was fired up and as I had suspected the members of the audience representing racial groups spoke the most. From the pan to the fire is the best way of describing Lindsey and Robert, the representatives from Lambda. They were seared by the audience that at best were indifferent and at worst without compassion. Robert represented Lambda as best he could yet the audience wouldn’t give him a chance to respond to any questions or comments and any response Robert offered was cut to the quick by contempt and hostility. This blatant display of disrespect only fueled my frustration.

Robert put up a brave fight but it was clear that he had given up. Lindsey’s response of “finding a good lay” to my question of what was most difficult for her about being openly gay, gave me clear indication of where she was headed within this forum. Lindsey simply didn’t take any of seriously and her flippancy alienated many.

Something had to be done. Gay people had to be effectively represented. As moderator, I did my best to raise issues of stereotyping and discrimination regarding gays and lesbians but Robert and Lindsey could not maintain my momentum. In a crowd of 250+ there had to have been other gays and lesbians in attendance but it seemed none wanted to speak out. As moderator I kept reminding myself to remain neutral regarding both as a black gay male. My patience finally blew when, as usual in this type of forum, someone made the comment that someone always delivers in a moment of well meaning sincerity. “Why should our differences matter? We are all a part of one race- the human race.” I could no longer stand it. In what I will always remember fondly as a moment of truth for me, I countered that welling meaning statement. “yes, we are all apart of the human race. I am also an individual of many different facets. I am black, I am young and from the “hood,” I am male and I am gay. I am not feared because I am a human being, I am not a potential suspect because I’m a human being and I don’t risk being bashed for being openly human. Unfortunately, our differences matter.”

What I learned about that experience is personal accountability. You’ve got to represent. No matter what you may think of the Roberts and Lindsey’s of any marginal group, the key to combating stereotypes and intolerance is your personal responsibility in taking a stand. You have to add your unique flavor to the mix, which I discovered is the importance of being out.